Insulate/Integrate
There have been times this past year I have struggled to “buy in”. My heart tells me to do what I can for who I can. Integrate and contribute. Life experience tells me to keep my circle small and protect my energy. Insulate and push forward solo. I look around and have a hard time finding “my people”. Ideas I aim my efforts seem to have fallen out of value as if they have become unfashionable. They feel like ghosts old men sit around the table and tell stories about; individual responsibility, letting the work speak for itself, independent thinking, and putting people before profit. Self-promotion on social media, “everyone is special” mindset, social posturing, and increased reliance on others are gnawing away at my core values expressed in the world. I cling to refuges such as where I train BJJ, my garage gym, unforgiving mountain trails, and places I train my grittiest clients, the ones who reflect back these parts of me I try to nourish.
Integrate: “bring into equal participation” or “combine with another to form a whole.” Equal participation with your environment? A mentor once told me one of the best pieces of advice he ever received was never to expect someone to meet you halfway. Expect to go 80/20 with them. If anyone ever meets you close to 50/50, it will seem like a gift. Expectations frame everything. Is that what integration looks like? Giving more than you receive most of your life? Expecting little of most people? That seems too cynical. This would, however, make one self-reliant much faster.
Turn the coin over.
One formal definition of insulate is to “Make into an island.” John Donne penned the phrase “No man is an island” and society has birthed hundreds of iterations from the sentiment. Most humans define themselves by how they contribute to society or who they are connected to. Which one is most commonly used is dependent on culture. Some lead with their profession. “Hey I’m Chris. I’m a Teacher and Coach.” Others identify with their relation to immediate family. “Hi. I’m Chris, Zoe’s Dad.” Complete insulation would work against both of these. It also often nurtures cynicism and depression. It is, however, easier to manage your energy if there are less entities trying to steal it.
There is a concept in mountain sports that frames these opposing concepts. Your gear needs to keep you optimal for the task, but weigh as little as possible. Gear has mass. Mass has weight. Weight costs calories. Part of this is understanding when you and your equipment should integrate with the environment. Wear light breathable layers that allow you to warm and cool with the environment. Let the wind help your body cool through convection. Filter water you find as you go. At other times, full on insulation is required. The mountain is trying to kill you with temperature, wind, and precipitation. You need a waterproof shell with multiple layers underneath it. Carry a fortress of a tent. Pack in all your own water and food. The balance is like a dance. Sometimes you embrace the mountain and allow it to take you on a ride. Other times, if you do not shield yourself from it, it will extract a severe toll. In some mountain sports, navigating this dance can be the difference between life and death.
How does this play out socially and emotionally? One way to approach this problem is framing situations transactionally. Can the environment, both living and nonliving stimuli, match or better the energy I invest as a return? If yes, integrate. If no, insulate. The sooner you can discern this, the better. Introspection and attention are your sharpest tools when trying to decide. Be aware of what things charge your batteries up. Make a list. Know it. Feel it. Be aware of what things drain your batteries. Make a list. Know it. Feel it. Do you best to give things that charge your batteries your effort.
Next comes how to best go about integrating or insulating. Integration cannot be “going through the motions”. If it feels that way often enough, exit the environment. If integration is the correct course of action, it is because you are specifically suited to contribute. Being your authentic self is what the situation calls for. Identify holes in the situation. Holes that you specifically are suited to fill. Fill them. You will sleep a lot better and find your batteries full more often when you are authentic in your actions and words. Never lie. Never be silent when you disagree.
When you decide to insulate, take your tools and go to your refuge. Find something to work on that charges your batteries. Focus on positive movement towards something that gives you meaning. The worst thing you can do is waste any more energy on the thing you are insulating from. If you go to your refuge only to stew in how angry you are at that which you are insulating from, you have missed the entire point. The whole purpose of a tent is to provide warmth and a respite from the things outside of it. Identify a measurable outcome and get to work.
If the environment is trying to kill you, specifically your energy, your core values, and your ability to be your authentic self, then insulation is best. That does not mean shy away from things that challenge and make you uncomfortable. It means leave situations that by design are meant for you to be misunderstood. It means leave situations that you are not specifically suited to contribute to. For example, I avoid projects that masquerade as productive, but are designed for people to help each other feel productive. I’m not wired for those kinds of things. I acknowledge, for some that is refuge. Not for me. I have nothing to contribute to that environment. Any effort to point out its unproductiveness will be misunderstood as having ill intentions for the group. I try to see those coming a mile away and remove myself.
Like all things, this gets easier with practice. I have found this practice to be a positive feedback cycle. The more you weigh situations carefully and make the effective decision, the more energy you have. You will value how that feels more than you fear being perceived as “not a team player” or conversely someone who thinks they can solve everyone’s problems. When I practice this successfully, the last thing I am paying attention to is what values are being amplified or diminished around me. I am too busy accomplishing things I care about while at the same time being reinvigorated for what comes next. When I get this right, it feels like I’m traveling light, but not ill prepared.
